JOKES ZONE

A married woman was found in another man's bed in a house four streets away from her home in Lekki, Lagos, she claimed it was the flood that carried her there!!! hmmm!!!

NEXT JOKE
An aircraft was loosing height due to overload, the pilot announced,"we'll throw some passengers out of the aircraft in alphabetical order according to your Continent, Anyone from African continent? No one answered or moved,
Then a black boy asked his father: "Dad Are we not from Nigeria"?
The father replied "Shut up Son, today we are from Zulus Continent"

NEXT JOKE

boy: Fine girl, whats ur name? My name is Peter, ok,

girl: my name is Stella.

Boy: Can I have ur number.

Girl: ok, 00990087762278.

Boy: is it an international number?

Girl: no, dats my account number, save it with Stella Amaechi, UBA. Boy: no, I mean ur fone number.

Girl: u know what to do with the account number, when I get an alert on my fone, I wil call u.

Boy:Ok, so what are ur favourite books.

Girl: Cheque books, cash books.

Hahahaha!!!!

NEXT JOKE
A man and his wife are in a court room for divorce. The judge askd who is to have the custody of the child? The woman jumped up and said I brought him into this world carried him for 9 months, breast feed, washed him and stayed up late to make sure he sleeps. The judge looked at the man and said, do you have anything to say? The man slowly stood up think for a while and said your honor, if u put your ATM into a machine and the machine brings out money, is the money or machine yours?


NEXT JOKE
I no fit laugh oooo !!!Abeg! when you are making negotiation, please ask for clarification if you are not sure. A guy approached a lady telling her that they should have fun together, the lady agreed because the guy promised her a BB. After the fun, the guy quickly rushed out to get the BB. Guess what he bought? BREAD and BEANS..Na here fight come start o. Tell me who we go blame for dis matter, d guy or d girl?hahaha


NEXT JOKE
A Guy was sent to deliver a live Chicken in Lagos. On his way, a careless cyclist made him fall off. The Chicken immediately ran away. The Guy on seeing the chicken flying away started laughing & when asked “why are you laughing?”, he said: "see this Mumu chicken where does it know in Lagos when the address is with me?


NEXT JOKE
Girl was looking at the tattoos of her boy friend. Reebok on his arms, Lotto on his chest,Nike on his neck but she was shocked when she saw AIDS on his penis,"Relax" said the boy friend. When it enlarges, it becomes ADIDAS.

NEXT JOKE
A boy who had intentions of being a doctor got his WAEC result with two credits in Igbo and Agriculture.

Luckily for him he had an uncle who worked in the medical college so he now embarked on a journey to secure an admission in medicine.

The following discussion went on between the boy and his uncle.

Uncle: - Jnr long time. How are you doing?

Boy - I’m ok I came looking for admission in your faculty.

Uncle - So how were your O' levels results?

Boy - Fine oh. I really want to be the first Doctor from our village and with your help I can secure admission.

Uncle - What were your results like?

Boy - Two credits in Igbo and Agriculture

Uncle - laughing said "you can still be a Doctor but a native doctor. You will use your credit in Agriculture to look for herbs and Igbo to chant incantations".


NEXT JOKE
Mr okoro sees a prostitute and asks how much, she says 5k on the bed, 3k on the sofa and 1k on the floor. Mr okoro gives her 5k, she says wow, on the bed? Mr okoro says nooooo, 5 times on the floor. Hahahaha!!! Don scatter my baff ups.


NEXT JOKE (money cannot waste)
U buy eggroll N150, I buy buns N15, boil one egg N30, all na N45...
*MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy 5alive N250, I buy orange+mango+pineapple N80 naira..my own get natural nutrient..
*MoneyCannotWaste.

Nepa cut ur light, U pay sharp sharp, I wait, climb d pole for nite fix my wire back..
*MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy milo, milk and sugar, I buy cowbell chocolate which already contains all d sugar...
*MoneyCannotWaste

U pay 5k go watch MI for show, I buy him cd N150, stay room play and sing along *MoneyCannotWaste

U dey chop pop corn of N1000 for cinema and I dey chop ground nut of N20 cinema..shey our mouth dey move, movie dey show go! *MoneyCannotWaste

U buy red bull N300 to become active, I buy paraga N20, Am super active...mtcheww
*MoneyCannotWaste

U buy rosé (red wine), I buy zobo and add squaddy, all ną red wine...
*MoneyCannotWaste

U buy baked beans for supermarket, i buy akara from Mama Nkiru dey flex,all na beans......
*MoneyCannotWaste

U fix 100k brazillian hair, i buy N100 xpression attachment, i fine pass you... & guys don't know the difference.

*MoneyCannotWaste

U go club for VI, buy hennesey of 40k, Me go one joint, buy alomo N200..all na highness
*MoneyCannotWaste

U pay N50 to watch match in a viewing centre, I stand outside to watch d match all na d same..
*MoneyCannotWaste...

You buy bb touch 95k, I buy curve2 35k, shey all of us dey ping?
Mtchewww.. Abeg Abeg!!!! I can't shout!!!!


NEXTJOKE
A man & his ever nagging wife were on a holiday trip in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly. The undertaker said it 'll cost $5,000 to ship her home or $50 to bury her here. The husband said ship her home. The undertaker said "but Sir why dont u bury her in the Holy Land & save the money?" The husband said "A long, long, time ago a man called Jesus was buried here & three days later he rose from the dead. I cant take dat chance! Lol!!


NEXT JOKE

Queen, Bush and OBJ died and went to Hell. Queen say "I miss UK, I want to call UK". She makes 5 minutes call asked devil: how much? Devil say £800. Bush say i also want to call USA". He make 3 minutes call asked how much? Devil said its "$2500".OBJ said he want to call Naija oh'. Want talk to Goodluck, Atiku, OBJ talk for about 15hrs and asked the devil, how much? Devil said its 5 naira. OBJ was surprised and ask why so cheap? Devil say hell to hell is a local call.

NEXT JOKE

Just like the Nigerian couple in London that gave birth to a white baby,

a Chinese couple in ikoyi, Nigeria gave birth to a black baby

and the husband ask the wife, chu, why baby black?

chu replied, we live in Nigeria, no electricity, you hot, me hot, sex hot, baby burnt!


NEXT JOKE

Sis Mary took the kids to Bro Ken's house one day for fellowship
after fellowship, Sis Mary decided to take the kids home but forgot her bible in Bro Ken's house by mistake,
She went back to Bro Ken's house to take it and when she got there, she met Bro Ken unclothed on the bed and asked:
Bro Ken, what is that thing between thy legs, and bro Ken replied, dat is the Rod of Salvation

And it happened again, but this time, Bro Ken took the kids to Sis Mary's house for fellowship,
and he too forgot his bible and decided to go back to pick it,
when he got to her house, he saw Sis Mary unclothed on the bed, and asked:
Sis Mary, what is that thing between thy legs and on thy chest, and she replied, Ah Bro Ken, that thing between thy legs is the gateway to heaven and the one on thy chest is the Rock of Ages

Oh praise the Lord screamed Bro Ken, my hands shall hold to the Rock of Ages where i will get comfort and my Rod of Salvation shall pass through the Gateway to Heaven, Hallelujah!!!



NEXT JOKE

How do you recognize Akpan in school? He is the one who erases the notes from his book when the teacher cleans the board.

In a conversation
AKPAN : I am proud because my son is in Medical College
Friend: Really? What is he studying?
AKPAN: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

AKPAN: People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know?
AKPAN: When I went to the park today, everybody said, oh GOD, you have come again.

AKPAN: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race; the winner will get the cup.
AKPAN: If only the winner will get the Cup, why are the others running?

In a classroom:
Teacher: “I killed a person. Convert this sentence into future tense”
AKPAN: The future tense is “You will go to jail”


NEXT JOKE

Some Yoruba, Ibo and Hausa men were caught in the jungle by cannibals and were given opportunity to escape if they could get some jungle 10 fruits from the jungle and force through their anus.

the Yoruba man came first and fail, the Ibo man almost succeeded but laughed when he raise his head and saw the Hausa man coming before he could insert the last fruit (peanut) into his anus.

When the ghost of the Yoruba man ask the ghost of the Ibo man how come he now laughed when he had almost escaped, the Ibo man replied, "as I was about to insert the last fruit into my anus I suddenly raised my head and saw the Hausa man coming with 10 big pineapples in his hands that was why I laughed."

NEXT JOKE

Three rats they argue who strong pass. The 1st one say
"I jump rat trap, dance awilo notin do me".
The 2nd one say "I chop rat poison notin do me".
The 3rd one laff say "u see dat cat wey dey there?
Na me give am bele"
:)

NEXT JOKE

At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how about a goodnight kiss?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh, come on! Who's going to see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we got caught?"

"Oh, come on. There's nobody around. They're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh, please, please. I like you so much!"

"No, no and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh, yes you can. Please!"

"No, no. I just can't."

"Pleeeeease!"

Out of the blue, the porch light goes on and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled.
In a sleepy voice, the sister says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or, I can do it. Or, if need be, he'll come down and do it himself. But for crying out loud, tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"


NEXT JOKE

A Nigerian mother asks her pregnant teenage daughter:

''Funke how did you get pregnant?" ''I told you, if a man touches your bosoms, say 'DON'T' and if he touches your privates, say 'STOP'",

The girl says "But mamma, I did, He was touching both places at the same time, so i said "DON'T STOP!"

NEXT JOKE

On the first day of college, the dean/principal addresses the students pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students.

Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined N200 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined N600. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of N1800. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?".

To this, a male student in the crowd inquires: "HOW MUCH FOR A COMPLETE SEASON ?"

NEXT JOKE

Juliet: hey suzan, i just got my BlackBerry oooh.i'll buy my pin next wik

Suzan: U try o! Me i don dash jane my own

Juliet: why?

Suzan:because BlackBerry don taya me, nw na BB i dey use

Juliet: is your BB samsung or nokia?:

O Suzan: no, itz Sony Ericsson.

Juliet: okay, jst giv me your pin so i can cal u

Susan: eyaa, am sorry, i left my pin @ home.U knw its nt safe walkin arnd wit your pin, e fit chock U LMaO


NEXT JOKE
An Igbo man fell into a well one day and started screaming for help. His wife rushed off to buy a rope to save him. When she returned, she threw one end down into the well and the Igbo man examined the rope and asked; "How much did you buy this rope?" The wife said "N1000". Still inside the well he shouted "What! Return it now and go to Papa Emeka, he sells for N300. Hurry up please before I die!
Lol!


NEXT JOKE
A mallam saw his brother collecting money from the bank with his ATM Card, and he shouted i have seen your pin code, it is four stars, and the other laughed and reply saying, you did not see it, its not four stars but 5723.
Now who is d fool?